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Clean Jokes

Dog Excessive Barking

My neighbor has been complaining that my dog has been barking non-stop.

I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar, that way when the dog barks, it shot out a blast of citronella under their nose and they don’t like it.

This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella…And that’s where my morning should have ended.

But no, it’s me, and I began to become curious as to how said collars work.

Now I’m standing in my backyard “barking” at my dog’s collar. Nothing happens.

I make sure it’s turned on, check the fill level, and go through the “getting started” check list one more time.

Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I’m not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did; I put on the collar.

I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked.

Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.

I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to squirt bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity.

I’m now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is now barking.

So between coughing and yelling at the dog to shut up, I’ve emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face.

During all of this ruckus, I’m trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.

I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that crazy (inhumane) thing across the yard, and lay in the grass in the cool morning air.

In the middle of thinking this probably the dumbest thing I’ve done in a while, I hear laughter.

MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! She was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe.

Between gasps, she tells me,”I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you’d set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn’t make it” So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too.

After checking to make sure I was ok,we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn’t be smelling like ode de’ Tiki Torch.


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