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Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said, I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a...
Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency...
Two lawyers were in a coffee shop talking. One of the lawyers names was Thomas Strange. After a while their conversation became rather morbid, and they...
Nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?” First a little girl says “The sky is definitely blue”...
Tom had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life. Who...
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter...
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, “I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that...
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.’s, playing in...
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years anything...
A good-looking guy is sitting in a bar, sipping a whiskey. He notices a gorgeous woman at the end of the bar, talking with a friend....
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He’s slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it,...
A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slowly. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?”...
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, “I think my dog is dead”. The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached...
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of a church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin...
Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. “Hello, darling,” he said, “what are you making for dinner?”...
A guy finds his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up...
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long train journey. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb...
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about make love. Elmer says, “Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30-year-old!” Leon...
Mrs Murphy and Mrs Cohen had been longtime close friends. But being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was...
A mother is walking with her five-year-old son through the zoo when they reach the elephant cage. The boy looks with amazement at the large beast...
